Dear Auntie...

"My girlfriend and I (m) have been dating for over a year. She's great in every way, but there's one thing that's making me really frustrated.

We've been sleeping together for about a year. And she's great in bed, but I feel really unfulfilled sometimes. Whenever one of us wants to try something we'll talk about it, but there is one thing she won't try. See, I really want her to blow me, but she's uncomfortable with the idea. We haven't really discussed it even though we have great communication on everything else. The times I've asked why she doesn't want to blow me, she's given a vague answer about being uncomfortable with it or mentions a "mental wall."

And I don't want to be a dick and force her to do something, but this is a problem and it's affecting our relationship. I just don't feel excited about having sex with her. And if she weren't so reluctant about blowing me, that might change. I absolutely understand that she might be uncomfortable with the idea, but I just feel like there's something missing from our sex life. We've tried other exciting things and those are great, but I really want her to blow me. And every time I've asked her why she won't just do it she gives the same vague answers about mental walls and being uncomfortable and won't give a better explanation. What should I do? Do I just drop the subject and hope she feels more comfortable with this later on, or is there anything else I could do?"

------------------------------------------------------

In the interests of not creating a straw man argument, I'm not going to write a response to this hypothetical letter. But if I were going to, what should I say? Should I encourage the writer to wait and respect his girlfriend's boundaries regardless of when they might change, or should I propose an "anything else"? Would I be promoting rape culture if I suggested the latter? What would you think of someone who writes a letter like this in the first place? Are his girlfriend's boundaries and explanations reasonable? Does she owe him more? What does her "no" mean?

Now, what do you think about this?

http://community.sparknotes.com/2014/07/29/auntie-sparknotes-my-boyfriend-wont-do-certain-sexy-things

Has your opinion of the writer and the response changed in any way? Why?

Should it?

Reach for that light, we were told.

They gave us wings so we could. Then you went your way and I went mine.

My light was a small one, ten feet above the ground. It radiated heat all the way to where we had first emerged. It didn't take long for me to approach it, but I am not any closer than I was then. I have never been able to traverse the invisible barrier between me and that light. Every day its radiance grows brighter and every day I take in more. I can only beat my wings against the wall for so long. One day, I will break through and reach the light. This is all I live for.

I cannot see you anymore. You went after another light, a mysterious one impossibly far from where we were. It glowed so brightly at first and you were compelled. Every night after that it faded a bit more, became smaller and farther away... You never lost your obsession. Even when the light went out, you kept flying toward it. I could see you until that night. Now the light grows brighter, and I wonder where you are. Have you come any closer? Or has your light grown brighter because you haven't? I worry about you, about how far you'll have to fly only to hit a wall like I have. But that light is all you live for. Perhaps when you reach it it will envelop you like mine cannot.

Does anyone ever reach the light?



(background: my twisted mind is fascinated with those insects that throw themselves against the porch light til they drop dead. I once heard that moths are so attracted to light that they will keep flying toward the moon until they die, forgoing reproduction and every other purpose of their lives, and true or not this seems to have stuck with me for ten years)